


supernova (young forever)

by mirthfully



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kind of dark, Sad Charles, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhappy Ending, love self projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 00:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20144263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirthfully/pseuds/mirthfully
Summary: Charles has a supernova heart, and it's going to be the end of him.





	supernova (young forever)

**Author's Note:**

> It took me several writing sprints to make this, me and Becky hive minded and both wrote suicidal Charles. Oops. Thanks Roman for editing, much love.

Charles was born with a supernova burning inside him, and one day it would grow so loud and so bright it had nothing left to consume but him. His father taught him how to tame it, to calm the absolute fire that ravaged his heart. 

Charles went through life fighting for his place, burning through his supernova far too fast and far too young. When he lost Jules, everything stopped. When he joined Formula One he had to wonder why he deserved to be here and Jules didn’t. His heart never calmed, and when his father died he knew there was no holding off his supernova heart.

_ Someday, Charles would be reduced to nothing but the atoms he was made of. _

Sometimes Charles would go out to the cliffs, breathing in the world and trying to remember how to exist. He wondered what it would feel like to fly, if maybe he could join the stars in the sky. The theory never gets tested, but as the nights wore on he slowly found himself standing closer to the edge and looking higher in the sky. 

He knew he was falling apart, the wear on his soul is starting to show through and he knows that soon he’s going to implode.  _ Like Jules, like his father _ . 

It was harder sometimes for Charles to stop himself from burning too bright. He started to get louder and louder until his body was shaking from the intensity. The end never comes when you expect it, at least it didn’t for Jules or his father; Charles wondered when he’d meet his end, when he’d have his chance to finally greet death like the old friend she was. 

Charles didn’t like the way Sebastian watched him, something in his expression too close to worry. Charles went through his motions in an almost robotic trance, every move methodical to a fault. The season a blur and he found himself unable to get a win, he knew he was only working himself away but he couldn’t stop the need to shine as bright as he can. Seb tried to approach him after briefings but he always came up with an excuse and ducked away before Sebastian could reach him.

_ He can’t let others near or else they’ll be trapped by the black hole he’s going to form. _

When Charles gets into the car, everything else disappears and the only thing that gets left is him _ alone in the world with his ghosts.  _ His father lived in his heart and Jules lived in his soul and Charles was struggling to carry the burden. 

He shouldn’t enjoy the feeling of losing control in the way he does, shouldn’t feel a thrill every time he doesn’t feel the ground as a steady comfort beneath him. One of these days Charles knew that he would fail to find his footing again.  <strike> Sometimes he wished it would happen soon </strike> .

Race weekends came and went and Charles was burning brighter than all the stars in the sky. He waited for the impending explosion, it wouldn’t be long now.

_ It doesn’t happen how he expects it to, and suddenly he’s disintegrating and he doesn’t know how to make it stop.  _

Charles doesn’t know what to expect, but the nothingness the lack of a supernova brings is unbearable. Suddenly he understands that the reason black holes consume so much is to make up for the loss. Every morning, Charles likes to watch with the stars as the sun breaches the horizon. He realizes he’s never felt more alone. 

The world continues to turn and Charles continues to breathe, unable to do much more than exist. It’s surprisingly easy to forget about everyone else and focus instead on his small place in the universe. With summer break his days become an incomprehensible blur of repetitive actions and he starts to wonder why he’s doing this anyways. 

Pierre tries to call him, but Charles never replies to the messages he leaves behind. If he lets Pierre care, it’s only going to end in sorrow for the both of them. Instead he pushes on alone, he’s just a ghost now.

_ His supernova heart is burning out and leaving him in tatters, he’s collapsing in on himself. _

_ _ The days get longer and Charles still likes to sit under the stars, legs dangling precariously off the cliff and staring at where the sky meets the sea. It would be so easy for him to just fall, to finally succumb to the call of the void. Instead he walks the long way back to his apartment every morning, once the sun wakes up and the stars have left him behind. 

Whereas sleep was hard for him to get before, Charles now finds it hard to stay awake. Sleeping away his summer days with his blinds pulled shut, his phone is sitting on his nightstand  _ it’s been dead for days _ . There is no peace, there can’t be peace when there isn’t even anything at all. 

Two weeks without talking to a single living soul and Charles wonders if anybody even misses him; maybe he’s already gone in the universe, his memory erased to nothing but a speck of dust in the cosmos. 

_ It’s getting darker, the stars don’t stay for very long at all anymore.  _

The end is nigh, Charles can feel it as a darkness seeping into his bones. His burn out was a slow one, beginning small and quiet and ending in absolute silence. It’s a cloudy night and the stars are nowhere to be seen, he’s too alone to feel lonely anymore and instead he stares down at the waves beneath him, shoulders hunched as he watches the water crash against the rocks. 

Tonight is different, and staring at the water Charles knows he won’t leave here in the morning. It’s starting to rain and if this isn’t fate laughing in his face then he doesn’t know what else it could possibly be. He wonders why he’s here, he doesn’t know how many times he’s thought that. This is the first time he’s going to do something about it. 

<strike> This is also the only time he’s going to do something about it. </strike>

Charles unclenches his fists and nothing holds him back now, he’s finally going to learn what it feels like to fly. His time is up, and now comes his end. 

_ Another star suddenly absent from the sky, nothing there to take its place. _

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @mirthfullyme


End file.
